“Next time you see Paul Bunyan…have him call his wife at home.” were words I never thought I would hear in this life.

However, I could never be so wrong as my family traveled south into Northern California and the Redwoods. I think the spot is called the “Trees of Mystery” or something like that, but the real mystery was the “what seemed like” 100 foot tall Paul Bunyan and the Ox standing next to the highway in the midst of even taller still Redwoods.

With shifty eyes and and ax that moved…you would have thought this was real flesh and blood!

Of course, you have got to stop at this joint to check it out. I had heard of it for years.

As my family steps out of our car in the parking lot, a loud towering voice rains down upon us from the mouth of Paul Bunyan. “What?” You mean someone actually sits up in a crows nest all day long and pops off to people. “What a gig!” Or…maybe he is real?

As we stepped out of our car, several tough looking biker guys were walking out of the gift shop and getting on to their bikes. Apparently, Paul Bunyan was feeling lucky cause he was really letting them have it. “What’s up with that by the way?” The guys were probably minding their own business, probably stopped to have a nice ice cream cone and maybe buy a postcard or something and Bunyan starts laying into them.

Classy!

They didn’t seem to mind though as they hopped back onto their bikes and road off, probably to Eureka. (Which by the way has more bikers riding around in it than I have ever seen. Nice people though. It’s not like the 70’s when you thought they were all part of the Hells Angels.)

But, my question is this…does one set out to actually want the job of Paul Bunyan? At what age does this desire begin to manifest itself within the depths of your inner being? Was Paul Bunyan even real?

Though I never saw the “voice” behind Paul Bunyan. I did overhear the employee in the gift shop leave a message for one of Bunyan’s co-workers to call his wife.

What if she was calling from a crows nest somewhere else deep within the forest atop a rather large Mrs. Bunyan? I hope everything was alright with her. The good news was that there didn’t seem to be a sense of urgency.

“Sphew!”

I’m confused…is there actually a village of 100 foot tall giants still living today deep within our forests? Or, is this a really weird cult of people that dwell in the heads of 100 foot tall statues with shifty eyes, moving axes, and loud speakers? Or, is the local economy really that bad and all the other higher paying and more prestigious jobs taken?

(Of course, I could be way off as this could be a family empire built for decades. If this is the case and your last name happens to be Bunyan. I am deeply sorry if I have offended you. I don’t mean to sound mean…just curious. Otherwise…enjoy.)

But, what if these creatures were real and not statues that move? What if they were real giants with feelings? The way Paul was mouthing off to those bikers kind of leads me to believe that he might have some unresolved hurt in his life. The thought of this makes me sad. Hurt people hurt people, you know.

Maybe Mr. and Mrs. Bunyan had an argument before his shift and he was taking it out on the bikers? Maybe he had a difficult childhood…or maybe he was flat out miserable in his current job? Was this giant real or was this giant a real mask that the voice hid behind? Where is Dr. Phil when you need him? (What if there is a giant Dr. Phil? Hmmm.)

But, in the end…I too, like the bikers just got back into my car and drove off. In retrospect, I should have listened. Because right there, standing before us was a beating heart that was maybe just maybe crying out for help. But, too often, we just walk on by and they are left to cry out for help until either someone hears their cry or…

Honestly, I just don’t like to see a grown giant cry. Does anybody?

I think this job would be fun. I don’t think it probably pays much. But, how classic would it be to crack jokes through the mouth of a 100 foot tall giant everyday. It might not be very prestigious, but you could sure make a difference in a lot of peoples lives by making this a memorable visit. Imagine the possibilities with Halloween?

“Dude, those are huge candybars!”

On second thought…maybe his wife was just calling to say I love you and I’m proud of you.

Next up…going to the bathroom next to a Pirate named Hugh or shopping in a gift store located in the belly of a dinosaur. Is it for the money or the fame?

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