Sitting within the silence of a dark room. The trees outside gently sway to the rhythm of wind and rain. The sounds of wind chimes dance methodically just outside the patio door and a lone dog is barking in the far distance.

As thoughts of failure swirl within my mind, I sit in torment as the characteristics of hell roll in like an evening fog. The battle is fierce as the sounds of war begin to march to the beat of my now raging heart.

Seeds of doubt are now the weapon of choice as my enemy seeks to jam the communication grid to my soul. The fortress tightly woven around the emotions of worry, anxiety, and finally unbelief will soon fall prey to this master deceiver.

Silently, I sit within the still darkness of these four walls, my mind is racing with the possibilities and my stomach is churning from the stress. Slowly, yet suddenly, its as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders and every possible scenario repeats itself within the theatre of my mind. Tomorrow will come quickly…I feel so powerless at the thought of these impending possibilities.

Like the knockout punch of a fighter in a championship bout, a voice calls out from the darkness declaring my ineffectiveness. Yet deep within, I know I am called to be a warrior in this war that has been declared on my life, yet I’m nowhere to be found. I’m missing in action, another casualty from the domino of worry that has now fallen from deep within my mind.

The now swaying trees dance within the moonlight as its reflection trickles off the walls like that of a running stream. My heart now filled with anxiety beats like the footsteps of one I can hear, but cannot see. A second domino has now fallen and the fortress of anxiety has now been surrendered. On my way to the canvas, I believe the voice…”I’m ineffective!”

As the wind momentarily stands still, the moonlight reflects off a clock that reads 12:36 am. As the clock ticks unbeknownst to the battle that rages within this room, my heart begins to cry out in silence with words to God…

“Please save me from this!!!”

A neighbors floodlight abruptly turns on and shines brightly from within the darkness of several trees through the movement of branches dancing in the now active wind. Somewhere a still small voice rises up from deep within me. The words are not audible, but what I’m feeling is, as the weight on my heart begins to lighten at the sight of brilliant lights bursting through this darkness that sought hold of my purpose.

My purpose? What an interesting thought as purposes seem to bear the fingerprints of a higher calling. Its as if only the darkness could keep me from fulfilling my purpose. It knows me too well. Perhaps, at times, even better than myself.

With a voice of hope, this tight grip that holds me within its clutches begins to fade as the early signs of morning begin to fill the sky. A promise comes to mind as it lifts my head with encouragement that reads…when darkness overtakes the godly, light will come bursting in.

* I’m grateful these days are no more. My name is often translated as Warrior… but often times, I was nothing more than a really good Worrier.

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One response »

  1. chelan says:

    This was very well written. I totally get it, as anxiety has been my battle – and I’ve had attacks like this several times. Most if not all, were of a spiritual nature, just before or just as I was going into a new territory – just as I was about to take ground not in my own strength, but in God’s, – to take authority over a place or territory which was formerly inhabited by some sort of evil. I blv this kind of feeling is common in war. And yes, this is a war. Keep fighting. Persevere. And victory WILL come.

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